A college decision becomes a family milestone

By Beth and Deb Liu

Tiger Cub 

I wanted to write this column about what happened when I heard back about my early decision application to Duke regardless of whether I got in or not. It was my way of bringing our readers along with me on this journey. 

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I can’t believe it. I got into Duke! 

I’m honestly so relieved that college applications are done, and I am really excited to go there next year. Duke has been my dream school for so long. I’m not entirely sure what I would’ve done had I been rejected. I was so scared that I wouldn’t get in on decision day last Monday that I spent the weekend writing two more applications, Emory and UPenn. I know you thought it was crazy, but it helped me feel a bit more in control while waiting. 

Now I can let senioritis take me. Kidding. I don’t want my acceptance to get rescinded and end up having to apply all over again. 

Tiger Mom 

And the day finally came. You have been working toward this for years, and I am really proud of you. It was worth all of the fights, tears, and late nights to reach your goal. 

I remember when I found out I got into Duke. Back then, we got our acceptances in the mail, yes, actual physical letters. I remember opening the mailbox, seeing the envelope, opening it in the driveway, and screaming. And then I immediately knew I couldn’t go. I was already set on Georgia Tech, where my sister was a sophomore. My parents were moving to Georgia when I graduated from high school, and I was going to get in-state tuition. My parents were very middle class, so they told us that private school was out of the question. 

I later won the B.N. Duke merit scholarship, which covered most of the tuition, so I decided to attend. It changed my life to go from a small-town school to such an incredible place, where I met people from all over. I would not be where I am today without that life-changing moment. I think this moment will also be as pivotal in your life. 

Tiger Cub 

I’ve spent so long working toward this goal that this moment feels surreal. So many of the things I’ve done throughout high school ended up being essential to my application. Even this column, which I started with my grandmother my sophomore year before she passed, became the experience I shared in my Common Application essay. 

College applications are a bit like a recap of your entire, very short, life. They ask you to share everything you’ve done, the things you’ve enjoyed, and the lessons you’ve learned. And then they weigh it all against countless other students who have also bared their souls to these schools. We are expected to be introspective and insightful before we have experienced much of life at all. 

Tiger Mom 

Your older brother, Jonathan, joked during his college application experience, “You used to have to get into college to learn to cure cancer, but now you have to cure cancer to get into college.” The stakes have been ratcheted up so much for your generation. When you told me that your friends in high school don’t even tell each other where they are applying, it seemed so strange to me. But then again, I went to a high school where only about a third of the graduating class went to college, and most of those students went to the local university. Every year, maybe one or two kids from our school went out of state. 

Given where we live and how competitive your high school is, after all it sits across the street from Stanford University, it feels like the whole place is a pressure cooker. I know I added to that pressure before I realized you wanted me to back off. And because you skipped a grade, you are on the younger side of your class, applying at sixteen. 

Tiger Cub 

Getting accepted feels like finding out you are “good enough” and “worthy” in some way. You and Dad let me decide on my extracurriculars and classes, and I know there were times you were anxious that I did many things that didn’t show enough passion for one single thing. But I wanted to do things I enjoyed instead of trying to fulfill a checklist that made up some recipe for the perfect student, someone who had a clear idea of who she was supposed to be. 

I enjoy volunteering at church, competing in speech and debate, running an art history club, and writing this column. 

College applications are built up to feel like you are supposed to do things you don’t enjoy just to get in. Getting in is a reminder that college is just another stage in life, not an award or some kind of capstone for living a perfect life. It’s a chance for me to meet new people and learn new things. I don’t think Duke would have wanted a version of me who only did things I hated. 

Tiger Mom 

I hope you carry the most important lesson with you. No school acceptance or rejection defines who you are. The curiosity, the joy, the willingness to try things without knowing where they would lead, those were already there. Duke is just the next place where you get to grow them.

Tiger Cub 

I think that’s what I’m most excited about. Not the name, or the acceptance, or even the relief of being done. I’m excited to keep growing and learning. College isn’t the destination, but rather the end of this chapter and the start of the next one. I am excited to begin the next chapter. 

Author’s Note: I plan to continue writing this column with mom until I move into my college dorm, and I look forward to handing it on to my little sister, Danielle, who is now a freshman in high school. She will carry on the tradition of writing with mom. I should note that she is much more blunt than me, so this should be interesting!